Christmas in ZANZIBAR

Neema has been looking forward to this trip for weeks now...she could not stop talking about the airplane!! I thought maybe she would be scared but she wasn't at all! I was impressed. She did very well she sat with me and looked out the window mesmerized....

When we got there she really like the 'cool' but was not so sure about the 'lotion'.....hahaha...She was afraid of this water that perpetually lapped up against the sand. When we walked along the shore she would flap her little hands and shriek "i dont need water!!! i dont need water!!!" Ok we are going to have to work on this....loving the beach is a prerequisite!! :) But by the final day I could not drag her out of the water! (Ok good I can keep her...just kidding!!)

Christmas was really special this year. Obviously because it was our first one together but also because we kept it really simple. It was not about presents and Santa Claus, it was about being so incredibly blessed. We were together in a beautiful place celebrating the birth of our Savior. When I asked Neema "what is today?" she said "Jesus' birthday and Ill share his cake." hahaha i guess she knows when there is a birthday there is cake.....so we ordered a slice of chocolate cake that night at dinner and blew out a candle for 'Baby Jesus'. And for a country that is not known for her desserts, it was pretty good birthday cake!

Enjoy a few glimpses of our precious memories....

I have turned her into full on beach girl...mission accomplished.

Her PINK (duh) stocking until Bibi finishes her hand stitched one. :)

Christmas on the beach! Only would have been better if my family had been there.

Before Christmas dinner...

Neema keeping to her African culture...shake shake shake...

Last Day in Zanzibar...NOOOOO!

Goodbye Ocean....we will miss you.

I stand on Grace

Ok today has been a doozie.....we have had no power for over 24 hours and when we dont have power for that long we also lose water because our pump is underground and the tank runs out. So i couldnt even take a shower this morning before court. On top of that and the judge still being away my puppy died this afternoon. He had been really sick but I just thought he needed some anti-biotics. Not the best of days...

Ok so this is where my heart is...i am discovering somethings about myself that are pretty unsettling. And I'm just going to put myself out there and be honest...but the truth is im not sure how much I really trust God. Throughout this process I have seen how quickly I lose hope. Do I really believe in God's goodness? Today before court as I sat in my car hoping and praying by some slice of a chance the judge might actually be there, I started to think about Jesus. And all the things he has done before. Amazing things! Calming the wind, feeding the thousands, giving sight to the blind! In Matthew 17 the disciples want to know why they couldn't drive out the demon from the boy. Jesus says "Because you have so little faith." That was me this morning. I sat there thinking to myself I bet if I TRULY believed that God was capable of bringing this man back for court, he would be there. I wanted with all my heart to just BELIEVE he was there. I wanted to have this incredible faith that my God moves mountains and raises people from dead and that bringing this judge to court when no one said he was going to come was cake for Him. But God knows my heart. God sees my doubt. And I think it hurts his feelings. He has been so faithful to me in all my years and I look back at how he has perfectly weaved Neema and my story together in so many ways that can only be of Him, yet the second I can't see my way I realize how quick I am to step in and try to take things into my own hands. This is ugly and I want to hide this about myself but it's true.

What does having faith really mean? Right now I am learning the TRUE meaning of walking by faith and not by sight. This is a song by Ginny Owens that I think says so much about where I am now.

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to


Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

I know my God has a wonderful plan for me and maybe He just needs to 'wear me down' so He can build me back up. My faith may be weak but He is strong and thanks to my Jesus Christ, I can stand on grace.

I'm sure if you are following along with us you will think this is a joke but the judge was not back today. A new date has yet to be set. Will blog about it more later. Thanks for hanging in there with us.

Court #5

Well, wish i had better news to report but when we got to court on Monday morning it turns out the judge was still not back from Mbeya. He wasnt there last time because he was traveling to see his sick father. Unfortunately, his father passed away. (which to be honest, i was afraid was going to happen) So we have been rescheduled AGAIN to December 15th. The courts shut down mid-december (i think the 15th is the last day before closing for TWO months for Holidays) so I am continuing to pray for God's intervention to finally FINALIZE next Tuesday. He hears our prayers...he is in the midst of all of this and I must trust His timing. It is difficult but i have become so tough during this process. Gone are the days of becoming annoyed and complaining. There is no point. This is Africa. This is Life. I have been made so aware of my absolute inability to change my circumstances and thus have learned an even greater lesson...to be content with where God has me in all of this and continue to point to Him even when I am not getting what I want. He is GOOD. He is ENOUGH. So we will continue to wait and we will keep smiling. We love you so much and thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers. Hope everyone is enjoying the Christmas season and maybe this year I will get the best gift ever....Neema Eva DuPree!! :)

Love,
Heath

This has been probably the longest week of my life. I am anxiously awaiting the 4th postponement of Neema's finalizing court date. On the day of court, the birth father, lawyer, judge, and social welfare officer must all be present. So lets see so far the social welfare officer has been absent once and the judge has been absent once. Let's hope that this time everyone can manage to get there and we can finish this thing. Every single failed attempt has left me asking God, WHY? At every rescheduling I think to myself God was aware that on that date that was set, someone wouldnt be there. I kept thinking He could have assigned a date where He knew we would complete. I know He wants Neema to be with me, so why the delay? He is the only one who is really in control so why are we still waiting? But who am I to ask God why? Who am I to even say his name?! This is my God who sent HIS only child to die for me. And im asking him why I am having to wait for mine? At least He gave her to me. At least I dont have to sacrifice her. At least we are together now. At least she is healthy and thriving. It is so easy to focus on what I dont have instead of focusing on the rich blessings he is showering me with daily. The blessing of waking up to this little angel every morning. The blessing of hearing her sweet voice sing "you are my sunshine." I will wait for this child... FOREVER!

Sweet Jesus,

I pray that on Monday, December 7th you will declare that Neema and I will officially be forever family. I pray that everyone who needs to be there will be present and ready. That through your love and grace we can finalize this adoption and begin the process of returning home. Help me Jesus to remember that this is all in your hands and to not fear for you knew us both before we were even born. Thank you that you are sovereign Lord and thank you for disciplining me to be patience. Help me to not miss out on the little things for looking to much to the future. Guide me in focusing on each day as your precious gift. Thank you for Neema. Thank you that she is so young and does not understand all of this court stuff. Thank you that as I was sad on each day we didnt finalize that I could look into her smiling eyes without a hint of worry or stress because all she knows is that I love her so that it can remind me that I dont need to worry either because you love ME. Lord if you want us to wait 10 more years we will because you asked us to. You are my Father in Heaven, I am nothing apart from you. I long to be united with you in spirit. Come Jesus and fill me with all of who you are. We are looking to you...King of Kings...be glorified.......

Amen.

Todays High Court Events

So for a week I have been stretched emotionally, spiritually, and physically really as I have been sleep deprived with stress. Tanzania just passed a new law that Single women cannot adopt and even married couples must live in Tanzania for 3 consecutive years before they are eligible. Basically this law will pretty much make adoption in this country extinct. It is a sad thing. I am not sure when exactly it will go into effect but you can see the added urgency for Neema and I to finalize! It seems that no matter what I provided for the social welfare officer (the one person that says yes or no...and the only and final sayer) he always needed "just one more thing" to complete our report. First, I heard that he was not going to be in Arusha this week because his father passed away, then i heard that Ed (Muslim holiday was going to fall on Friday - it is determined by the movement of the moon and there are two Eds a year - and they both happen to be right near two of my court dates - fortunately I was able to miss both of them by a day) Then just when I thought my report had been turned in, my lawyer calls me to tell me that the social welfare officer needed to see me again! AGAIN?!?! Why???? Court is tomorrow im telling myself. Ok stay calm just go see what he needs...So I go. And he says "just one small thing...." He wanted to go to the village where Neema is from and see where all her relatives are living. But he can't go until that night. (ok this is the night before court date) So we go. I take him to the tiny little hut where her 80 year old great grandfather lives. The hut that is made more poorly than the outhouse where my guards go to the bathroom! It ended up being good for him to see it. To see the water run off from the rain flowing into his home. To see the mosquito manifestation. To hear the neighbors complain about how the other relatives do nothing to help him. After that he said he didnt need to see anymore! Finally, I think he is satisfied that it is not in Neema's best interest to live in the village. However, he is concerned at how tiny Neema is. He says and her health card agrees that she is underweight. I try to explain to him that she just has a little frame and that children who have lived in orphanages are typically smaller than the average child but he insists that i dont feed her enough. He asks me if i want to keep her skinny like all of us American girls! I try to convince him that she eats a lot but that she is just naturally small. But he says I must bring her in to his office even after finalization to check on her and make sure she has gained 4 kilos. That is something like 8 pounds!!

So for Thanksgiving Neema and I went to Snow Crest Hotel and drank water out of wine glasses and ate up a big plate of vegetable spagetti. I gave Neema like 4 rolls. We had cake. Then when we got home at like 9pm I made her drink a whole mug full of uji (its like oatmeal but made with rice, sweet potatoes, vitamins, and minerals - what the box says) Eat and grow, baby!

7am rolls around we crawl out of bed and pray. We pray that the report will be complete, we pray everyone will show up. We thank Jesus that no matter what happens He still died for us and that we are still His. I drive to pick everyone up. The uncles...Calvin who is always late, is late. Her father who is always on time...is late. I'm still scared the moon says its Ed and we will pull up and the gates will be closed. Im trying to pray and im trying to believe and trust but im so anxious. Finally everyone arrives and we head to the court house. There we wait for the lawyer...he is late. I see the judge, im relieved he is atleast there. They are about to call us. Where is the social welfare officer my lawyer comes to ask me. Par for the course....then he comes, thank God.

They call us in and we are barely seated when the judge says that we are going to need to reschedule for December 7th because he is traveling. I hold it together knowing I cant ever cry in front of these men again. But then the judge says that he has the report and its been turned in and so now all we need is our verdict. I finally feel relieved. The report is done, that is the most important thing. No more "one more thing"s....so as I understand on Monday, Dec. 7 we will just go in and they will give the final say...which should be YES since the report is complete.

Thank you all so much for the messages, emails, and texts! And don't become tired of praying for us. :) We love you.

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!

Neema LIVE

This video is old but I am finally somewhere with strong enough internet to post it. Now that it downloaded we will try to post videos more frequently. Please forgive us that we are in pajamas and its a little rough. It was Saturday MORNING. kisses from Africa. :) 

Best Friends

The other night Neema and I were reading from her Children's Bible. We got to the chapter about Jonathan and David and it was titled Best Friends. I was trying to explain to Neema the meaning of best friends. I told her a best friend is someone you tell all your secrets. You know they will always be there for you. You want to spend all your time with them, etc. Then I asked her who was her best friend? And she said "God."

What an amazing answer. I love how children have such pure hearts. It seems they get things that I often miss. I don't know why I make things so complicated. Thanks Neema for shedding light on such a simple truth!

Neema's first SAFARI!

We have a friend in town and she has never been to Africa so she selflessly agreed to pay for us if we could take my car. So on Wednesday morning we got up early and piled in for a day trip to Tarangire National Park! It was the first time Neema has seen wild animals and it was such a great day!! We had to battle through a little bout with tetsi flies who wouldnt stop biting us but other than that we saw many beautiful animals and got to relect on God's amazing creation. Driving through the bush with mountains on one side of you and impalas prancing about on the other side and just listening to worship songs it just takes me to another place. A place of complete joy. To a place only Jesus can promise us. He says he has come to give us life to the full. I get so down about my house not being completely finished, or the fact that restaurants here stop serving food at 4pm, or the endless frustrations of this adoption process. But then I see the bright blue birds soaring above my head or the giraffes lazily munching on some tree limbs and I think they don't worry if God will provide. They eat like I do, sleep like I do, breathe like I do...they are His and He takes care of them. And he says How much more does he care for us? Lord I pray that I can remember that feeling. That feeling of completeness even when im sad or lonely, hurting or frustrated. Help me to remember that I am Yours. That while you made the hills and rivers that inhabit this game park that you also made the cities, the buildings, the homes the places I spend my days. Everything is Yours. I thank you.  

7am - Neema is so excited!!! 

Little Monkey Family

4pm...still smiling...i love her!

Living the Life

Life has been busy lately. Lots to update you on. First, we went to court on the 5^th and I must give a huge praise because our (3^rd) finalizing court date got rescheduled for November 27^th! Still three weeks away but at least we are getting it in before December when everything here in Tanzania shuts down for like two months for the Holidays. So please continue to pray mightily for NOVEMBER 27^th. If we pass court on that day, Neema will be officially my daughter in this country. At that point, we will no longer be confined to these borders and we can then proceed to making her a United States citizen. Oh how I look forward

 to the day……We will all jump for joy together!

Also, we have moved into a new house! There were some bumps along the way (TIA) but we are in and beginning to feel more settled. The house is beautiful and it sits on a hill that overlooks Mt. Meru and when she is not feeling shy I can see Kilimanjaro from my balcony. The Lord has blessed us abundantly. For months I have been praying for the perfect house. A couple that I have loved fell through so I began praying not for certain houses but for the place God would have us be. And not surprisingly he came through for us. It’s a big house but for an unbelievable price! We have a yard for Neema to play, lots of space (plenty of room for visitors!), walking distance to street shops and public transportation, and most importantly we feel safe. We

 brought in two gaurds from the bush who have never even seen gates, locks, etc. So they are learning but they have bows and arrows so don’t mess with them! Penda is still a puppy and not so scary yet but in the next few months we will have the toughest looking dog to go with our superb security. J

The Bushmen

The House

Neema just celebrated her 3^rd birthday and it was such a fun day!! We ate lunch at this great restaurant here in Arusha that is like a giant backyard. Many friends came to celebrate over pizza and cake and Neema loved being the center of attention all day! I just couldn’t stop staring at her. I can’t believe she is already three. I am so thankful to God that he has brought us to this place. I am thankful that he has protected Neema all the days of her life and he has faithfully brought us together. I look forward to so many more days of just being in awe of her and in awe of the One who created her.

Looking at the Cake! 

COURT

Ok I just wanted to give everyone a little update. I shudder to even write this...we will not be meeting in court on November 5th. The social welfare officer has been called to Headquarters in Dar Es Salaam and therefore will not be present at my court date. All of this to say, we are once again waiting for another finalizing court date. Please pray that it will be scheduled within the next few weeks. All courts close down from mid-December to mid-January for Holidays so it is very important that Neema and I finalize before this happens. This has been such a roller coaster, I had no idea....but I continue to seek God's face in all of this and pray with expectation that He will deliver us from this season.

Through an adoption lawyer in GA I am now applying for a form called the i600 which will allow Neema to become an American citizen. This is also a lengthy process. My hopes are once I finalize here I will then be able to acquire a visitor's visa for Neema to come home while we wait out the i600 paperwork. This has proven not to be an easy feat as a friend of mine who just adopted 2 children legally here in Tanzania is struggling to get them back to USA on visitors visa and she works for the UN!!! So what we need is PRAYER. I just want my little girl home to meet her family and introduce her to that world.

I will continue to keep you updated as I learn more. Thanks so much for all of your love and support. In the meantime, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

My Angel

Penda!!!

So I was driving down the street the other day when I see this man outside my window holding two puppies....i dont know what happened but my rational side just shut off. I immediately find myself pulling over and asking "how much?!" When he told me 20,000 Tsh (less than 20 dollars) my roommates and I looked at each other and just did it. We bought a random dog off the street! Two babies and now a puppy? Are we CRAZY? Yes...the answer is undoubtedly yes. But his name is Penda which means Love in kiswahili and well he is cute...but somehow i forgot how puppies cry all night...tee tee everywhere...nip at your heels...and chew on everything!

I am hoping to move soon into a house where Penda can live outside!! I keep rationalizing this decision with it will be an investment and great security. Tanzanians are terrified of

 dogs. So thats good if they are robbers but bad if they are our friends. Here

 are some pictures...

Neema is not too sure about this...

But after a couple of pep talks she warmed up to the little guy.

Jumanne's Reality

Jumanne and all the girls. Umi (3), Hadija (11), and Aziza (5)

Post-bath Kiss

Where they live now.

Entrance to their village..

He is 8.

This is Jumanne. I met him a couple of weeks ago around 8pm outside the grocery store. It was dark and he was all alone. I was getting out of the car when this sweet face looked at me and in swahili he asked me for bread. Unfortunately I see street kids a lot and i never give to them because all it does is perpetuate the problem of begging. But for some reason God granted me His compassion for this boy. I bought him some bread, milk, and water and then insisted we take him back to his village. The next day I went to his home. If you have seen Slumdog Millionaire, that is what you can picture as his house. Complete slums. He is 8 years old and has not seen his father in three years! He lives with his mother who is a street sweeper and his three sisters. Being the only boy he is now the 'man' of the house. He is 8.  It is now his responsibility to provide when his mother's $1 a day salary runs out. He is 8. He is in 4th grade but its nearly impossible for him to do any homework in this tiny shack with no electricity, no quiet, no supplies. He would rather be out playing soccer with his friends. He is 8. But his little sisters need baths, they need water to be fetched, their needs to be food. He is 8. 

I could not get Jumanne off of my mind and my heart. The situation while there are so many like his was just weighing on me so heavily. There is an African circus in town this month so i decided to take him. We got there had sodas and popcorn and i watched Jumanne more than the show. He was mesmerized by the lights, the sounds, the entertainers. He was clapping and cheering! It was pure delight! After the circus we ran into his two younger sisters at the same grocery store where I met Jumanne. They were filthy dirty as usual and in the same musky

 brown clothes I had met them in. We decided to pile them all in my car and take them home for dinner. (we told another kid from the village to tell their mother) 

We got home and I couldnt wait to give them all baths! Afterward the water was a murky

 brown color. But now they were clean! I smothered them in lotion and pulled out some of Neema's clothes and dressed them in freshness. We then fed them some rice, beans, and veggies and they ate and ate. Jumanne said they had eaten nothing but chai all day. I sting just thinking about it. 

On Sunday they showed up at my gate at 7:45am. All four of them. I quickly threw on a pot of coffee (for myself) and started making some oatmeal (for them.) I took them to church and it was a sight. Neema in one arm and Umi in the other (good thing they are little.) Jumanne can read english so he really enjoyed singing the worship songs and Hadija the oldest was good at keeping eye on everyone. They went to sunday school and colored pictures of Jesus and

 children. Jumanne wrote on his "Jumanne sitting with Jesus." The morning had been nothing short of complete chaos! Oatmeal everywhere.spilled juice.fighting over toys.getting everyone in the car in time. Getting to church. Getting everyone quiet for prayer. But my heart was overflowing with love. 

After we dropped them off at the village and I walked in my door I took in a deep breath. But then I missed the crazy. 

Jumanne, Aziza, and Umi where we found them on the street.

At my house...after baths! 

Our Family

I cant believe its October. I have been here since May. I don't know when we are coming home. Sometimes that can be a terrifying and suffocating feeling. Not only can we not leave until the Tanzanian process is over but then we have to go up against the laws and regulations of my own country! I recently learned visitor visas are not often granted to adopted children, which means that either I go through a lengthy process of applications, interviews, fingerprints, and lots and lots of $$$ or stay here for 2 years until at which point I guess I will be seen as a fit parent and can then return to the United States with my baby. This may help explain why there are 147 MILLION orphans around the world because its like everyone wants to make it as difficult as possible! 

I miss my family and friends so much and its so incredibly hard to not have people know Neema. She is so much a part of me and has helped change me so much and I want people to know us...the people we are and the people God is molding us to be. I was recently reading about Naomi and Ruth and how they were not biologically mother and daughter but about how they loved each other. How when Naomi told Ruth and Orpah to turn around, Ruth would not leave her. Neema and I have this ongoing dialogue with each other where one of us says to the other "Don't leave me...." and the other says "EVER!" Its so precious. But ever since falling in love with someone so much I have started relating my every feeling for her to how Jesus loves me. And how he won't leave me....EVER! (Reference from Ruth 1:16-18)

So when I get sad and lonely for my parents, and my Will and Sims, and my wonderful

 friends....I cling to this amazing life God has provided for me here. We are incredibly blessed. Just last Sunday I was overtaken by the love and community of our church. Such diversity....different nationalities, different languages, different skin colors but all loving Jesus and all loving Neema and me. It is truly the body. We have people checking in on us, asking about the court process, feeding my soul when im tired or need prayer, holding Neema, people speaking to her in english and swahili! It is so amazing to be able to walk alongside others who are in their own valleys and peaks! There is such a spirit of humility and vulnerability among the members of our church and it encourages and gives me hope and strength. When God created families, he had a much bigger vision than just our own mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters. Of course he did, his thoughts are always bigger than our thoughts. He has designed it that we would have mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters all over the world. And I am t

ruly thankful for that.

Neema just being cute! :) 

Some of my favorite things.....

Just thought today I would talk about some things my sweet Neema does that make me giggle and want to burst with love....

When I hurt myself or look sad she says "What happened my sweetie?" 

How she runs around the house singing "Baby Love...My baby love I need you oh how i need you!" 

When Liza was tickling her the other day she said "stop stop you are killing me..."

When she tells me she loves me 'to the moon and back.' 

This morning she picked up one of my shirts and held it up and said "Cute, right?" 

She was walking out of my room and i said 'are you leaving?'.' and she says 'Ever!! ill never leave you.' 

She is sooooo funny! She makes me laugh everyday and I just can't believe God chose ME to raise His little girl...What an honor. :) 

another photo shoot

In this picture Neema was saying "Hey merica!"

Neema and me just home alone and bored....picture time! 

Neema sportin her new bikini!

Our roommate Amy arrived last week! We are so happy she's here! She also brought lots of gifts from America! So sweet. One is a new kini! :)  Neema really enjoyed workin it for the camera. "im so pretty...." Oh goodness...should I be concerned? haha. So enjoy a few pics...

One simple question....

Neema in all of her preciousness has been going through this phase where she likes to say "I love you" 10,000 times a day. And believe me I can't hear it too much....but the other day I was cooking and cleaning and trying to get the house ready for my friend coming over and she said it and before I even had time to respond she tilted her little head looked at me with her huge eyes and said "Do you love me?" I MELTED. I swooped her into my arms and said "YES! More than anything!" Now she says it all the time because its the cutest thing in the world and she knows she will always get a pick-up and a hug. :) 

But as these sweet words resonated with me, I couldn't help compare it to how Jesus must feel sometimes. In all of my busyness and all of my worries...i wonder if Jesus is just trying to say to me "Do you love me?" When I make a poor decision or judge someone..."Do you love me?" When i intentionally go my own way... "Do you love me?" Or when I simply fail to trust in His ultimate goodness. "Do you love me?" 

He asked Peter this very question THREE times...I can't imagine how many times he needs to ask me. But it is such a reminder to slow down....TRUST HIM....don't let what looks like set-backs turn my heart astray. I pray for an unfailing love and a heart that can't be deterred from the knowledge that he cares for me. I am so thankful that he loves me even when he has to ask me the question "Do you love me?" 

He Reigns

In this world you will face trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

To tell you about yesterday at Neema's finalizing court hearing is to expose a side of me that Im not all together proud of. But I know many of you have been praying for us so here are the realities of that day. First of all to get the birth father, lawyer, social worker, and judge to all show up to the same place at the same time is a feat in itself. We arrived at court at 8:15 for our 8:30 hearing. The lawyer is late. The social worker is not there. I try to stay calm. The lawyer's signature line to me is "dont cry." Because im a sensitive person by nature and this whole process is highly emotional as it involves matters regarding a child who has become very much a part of me, i tend to sometimes lose control of my mind. And for anyone who knows about third world countries you can understand how easy it is to actually "lose your mind." 

So after all the waiting....waiting for 5 months in America to get back to her, waiting the three months of living with her for the first court date, waiting for the home study to be complete, waiting for the moon to determine the Tanzanian Holiday, waiting in the tiny hallway for them to call our names to make this adoption complete....my lawyer calls me over to him and tells me the social worker (who lets just say loves his power...A LOT) has notified him that he did not have everything he needed. I hold down the panic that starts rising up in my heart...What does he mean? I have turned in everything! I have quadruple checked! 

"Don't cry. Don't cry." He says.

Next thing I know i see the social worker approaching in all his pompous "glory." I have heard horror stories of how this man likes to make things as difficult as possible for adoptive mothers but I had yet to see it thus far. I thought for some reason I was going to be able to fly under the radar....Oh no...don't be decieved. 

He says to me with the shrewedest smile on his face "Your report is not complete." I did not understand. I asked him why and he came up with these asinine reasons as to why he was unable to complete it. I challenged his reasons and asked him how in his heart he could possibly feel good about denying this finalization for me and Neema today and *gasp* I started crying. I know often men cannot handle tears but i have found especially Tanzanian men....it only made him more furious. He looked at my lawyer said something in swahili and walked off. I was livid! This was not right! 

I took Neema outside to calm down and as tears strolled down my face my sweet baby wiped my eyes and said:

"what happened?"

"im sorry mama."

"I love you...."

which only made me cry more. When I went back inside the social worker was talking to Neema's uncles. One of them came to me and said "Heath, you have to apologize." I was like "NO! Never...that man is horrible!" I later learned that he told Neema's uncle and his best friend that I disrespected him and that he would make me suffer. Yep, those were his words. 

 Despite the report being incomplete we still had to sit through the hearing as the social worker informed the judge we would need a rescheduling. My lawyer suggested a quick rescheduling of October 8th but to punish me the social worker said he felt like November 5th would be more appropriate for me. And he gets the final say. I simply sat there with my eyes closed praying that the Lord would give me the strength to press on. 

So here I am sadly reporting that Neema and I will not be back to America by Christmas. :( And thats ok, im really fine with that but its just the way it all went down yesterday. It hurts my heart. I hate that I lost control of my emotions. I hate that I tried to hold on to my "rights." Because this is not America. This is Africa and I am learning what it is like for the people here. There are no rights for the people. There are no laws, its all up to the discretion of those in power. How sad that you can't put any trust in the government, but is that where our trust should come from anyway? 

As a result of yesterday, it pushed me even closer to my God. I have learned I can't trust this social welfare system, but I can trust my God who says "Ask anything in my name and it will be given to you." and I can trust my God who says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."  

After calming down and taking some time to just sit at his feet. His amazing grace covered me and filled me with a sense of peace. But he also instructed me. Maybe I was right. Maybe the social worker should have completed the report. But did I represent Jesus? Was I humble in spirit? Not so much, i held on to my right to be right. And Jesus never did that. When people were beating Him and spitting on Him and crucifying him...at any point he could have called on thousands of angels but he never did. He gave up his rights for me! Who am I to claim my own?

As I read through proverbs this morning here is what God continuously revealed to me: SHUT YOUR MOUTH. BE HUMBLE. TRUST ME. 

He who guards his mouth and his tongue 
       keeps himself from calamity.

A wicked man puts up a bold front, 
       but an upright man gives thought to his ways.

Humility and the fear of the LORD 
       bring wealth and honor and life.

He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious 
       will have the king for his friend.

I plan to make a visit to the social welfare office this week to seek forgiveness. Not to suck up and hope that it in fact gets completed on November 5th which now might not happen either since i have rattled the cage but to sincerely present an offering of peace and love. Thanks everyone for all of your thoughts and prayers. We will press on to the goal. Thanks for joining us in this journey...the physical journey and the spiritual one...its a JOY. Our happiness comes from Christ alone and does not depend on our circumstances.

Love,

Heath and Neema

Neema's first swim!

She loved it!!!

Dont let this smile fool you...it was FREEZING!

Deep Talk im sure....

We heart Tanzania

At the second hand market trying on Tanzania hats! 

Neema hat and scarf...she had the sweater on too at one point...but that didn't last long.

Sometimes I just want to eat her...is that normal?!

suds and buckets

So Neema and I are all settled into our new apartment! It is so great to finally have some of our own space. But we have yet to find a new house girl. Now before anyone goes judging....you should know that there is no dishwasher and no washing machines! Dishes I can handle....but anyone who knows me would have paid money to see me trying to wash 2 baskets full of dirty clothes in buckets. And if you have never been to Africa, clothes get DIRTY!! When I would pour the water out it was like black...just from walking around town the dust covers you...It took me like 2 and 1/2 hours to finish. And im not even sure my clothes are really that clean. It is hard work! Whenever I do find a house girl (which i hope is before my basket fills again) I am going to think twice about her salary. :) 

Life is good. Neema and I have her second and final court date on SEPTEMBER 22. If all goes well (and that is a big IF..this is Africa) then I should get the adoption order on that day. I will then just have to jump through a few more hoops before its all official ON THIS SIDE. The next step will be to acquire her a tourist visa to the US. Please pray that the these final steps will fall into place and that God would shed his grace on this last leg of the process. 

I will keep you all updated. Neema is excited to meet all of you...she has been talking about "Merica" a lot.   

****UPDATE****

Ok change of plans...September 22 is a Tanzanian Holiday (Eid - Muslim's break their fast from Ramadan) so courts will not be in session. This threw me into a tailspin for a few days but God has swooped in again! (Doesn't he always?! Sometimes its just harder for us to realize that is what he is doing) We have been rescheduled for just one day! So change your prayers to September 23rd!!  

Also, the tourist visa looks as though it may be more difficult than I anticipated. So prayers that I can get this baby home for Christmas! We love you all! ASANTE SANA! :) 

insomnia

its 12:30am here and I can't sleep. But forgive this post if its a little groggy...i need to get in bed. Neema and I are moving tomorrow to an apartment. We have been living with friends for the past couple of months so I'm really excited that we will have our own place. I can't wait to decorate, develop pictures, and just 'nest.' 

Neema is doing well. She is talking more and more in English and its really fun to see her learning a second language. In Africa, people use the term TAKE a lot. For instance, 

one might ask "will you take lunch?" as opposed to "will you eat lunch?" Neema uses this expression in all conversation. If she wants milk she says "i take milk", "i take pray", "i take julia" etc. It's so funny! 

I have to be careful about what I say because its all beginning to be repeated to me. The other day she shook her little finger at me and I said "i mean it!" she did it in a playful way, but im thinking "do i say that to her a lot?" 

These are some shots of Neema eating with her cute little friend Maureen in the village. I now see how she has developed some of her table manners.    

An attempt to teach the girls to be generous...im not sure it's working....

Maureen and Neema...besties! :) 

I just like this photo. Its one of my favorite things about Africa. Fresh fruits and veggies right by the house!

photo shoot

oh the joys...

Ok so this is more for existing parents and I hope I don't lose my following of singlets out there still living the Atlanta night life with this post...

Neema is still "potty training" and during the day she has pretty much mastered the concept. If she has an accident I do punish her, even though some say don't punish for that, but the way I see it is if she is old enough to tell me she wants milk or to go outside and play, she is plenty capable of saying I need to go to the bathroom. However, she still consistently wets the bed during nap and at night. I don't punish her on these occasions because maybe she does it in her sleep and can't help it. So the question is...will that eventually just stop happening? Or is there something I can do to help the process? We already go right before bed....I hope she grows out of this soon because pampers here are like $15!!

Here is a story about when she COULD help it. Yesterday, she had to go sit in the 'naughty chair' on my bed because she wasn't being a good listener or something...can't remember exactly why. But she was crying and I wasn't going in there....so when I went in there to talk to her...She had wet her pants ON PURPOSE thus getting both layers of the freshly washed sheets wet! Just so I would have to come clean her up! Oh my goodness I was fuming! She is clever for sure...Everyday I am learning how I have to think ahead as to out-maneuver her. No more naughty chair on the bed. No more lotion where she can reach it. Oh and no more milk and yogurt without supervision. I need like 10 pair of eyes!!!! 

But as I write this...she is next to me rubbing my arm where I have a mosquito bite and saying "don't itch it." Just precious! So a little naughty yes...but so nice!  

****UPDATE****

Ok so to all you sweet souls who posted and sent emails of encouragement...i have to report that Princess Pull-ups have changed my life! Neema has conquered potty-training!! (for the most part) She is obsessed with Ariel, Cinderella, and Belle who grace the front of her pull-ups! She never wants to get her Princesses wet. ;) So I just want to publically profess my gratitude to Pampers Pull-ups!!!

 

splish splash...

I just had to take a moment and share this picture with you all. This is two of Neema's uncle's best friends...Neema and I went for a visit and she fell into some mud so here she is getting an African bath. The three of us were gathered around her in this small bucket and rinsing her off. I couldn't help but think 1. how lucky this little girl is that she has three people loving and bathing her; but 2. how precious these boys are! They help me so much with Neema: cleaning up after her, washing her shoes, take her to the bathroom, etc. They just grow up so close with all their neighbors they are just used to taking care of babies. Sometimes I think they know more than even I do! That's humbling. It is such a breath of fresh air. In a culture where typically caring for the child is "women's work" I can tell that times are changing. The other day I was there and Neema informed me that she had to use the bathroom...as i got up to take her, her uncle said "No, relax. I'll take her." I love these boys.   

Donard, Neema, and Vincent