He Reigns

In this world you will face trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

To tell you about yesterday at Neema's finalizing court hearing is to expose a side of me that Im not all together proud of. But I know many of you have been praying for us so here are the realities of that day. First of all to get the birth father, lawyer, social worker, and judge to all show up to the same place at the same time is a feat in itself. We arrived at court at 8:15 for our 8:30 hearing. The lawyer is late. The social worker is not there. I try to stay calm. The lawyer's signature line to me is "dont cry." Because im a sensitive person by nature and this whole process is highly emotional as it involves matters regarding a child who has become very much a part of me, i tend to sometimes lose control of my mind. And for anyone who knows about third world countries you can understand how easy it is to actually "lose your mind." 

So after all the waiting....waiting for 5 months in America to get back to her, waiting the three months of living with her for the first court date, waiting for the home study to be complete, waiting for the moon to determine the Tanzanian Holiday, waiting in the tiny hallway for them to call our names to make this adoption complete....my lawyer calls me over to him and tells me the social worker (who lets just say loves his power...A LOT) has notified him that he did not have everything he needed. I hold down the panic that starts rising up in my heart...What does he mean? I have turned in everything! I have quadruple checked! 

"Don't cry. Don't cry." He says.

Next thing I know i see the social worker approaching in all his pompous "glory." I have heard horror stories of how this man likes to make things as difficult as possible for adoptive mothers but I had yet to see it thus far. I thought for some reason I was going to be able to fly under the radar....Oh no...don't be decieved. 

He says to me with the shrewedest smile on his face "Your report is not complete." I did not understand. I asked him why and he came up with these asinine reasons as to why he was unable to complete it. I challenged his reasons and asked him how in his heart he could possibly feel good about denying this finalization for me and Neema today and *gasp* I started crying. I know often men cannot handle tears but i have found especially Tanzanian men....it only made him more furious. He looked at my lawyer said something in swahili and walked off. I was livid! This was not right! 

I took Neema outside to calm down and as tears strolled down my face my sweet baby wiped my eyes and said:

"what happened?"

"im sorry mama."

"I love you...."

which only made me cry more. When I went back inside the social worker was talking to Neema's uncles. One of them came to me and said "Heath, you have to apologize." I was like "NO! Never...that man is horrible!" I later learned that he told Neema's uncle and his best friend that I disrespected him and that he would make me suffer. Yep, those were his words. 

 Despite the report being incomplete we still had to sit through the hearing as the social worker informed the judge we would need a rescheduling. My lawyer suggested a quick rescheduling of October 8th but to punish me the social worker said he felt like November 5th would be more appropriate for me. And he gets the final say. I simply sat there with my eyes closed praying that the Lord would give me the strength to press on. 

So here I am sadly reporting that Neema and I will not be back to America by Christmas. :( And thats ok, im really fine with that but its just the way it all went down yesterday. It hurts my heart. I hate that I lost control of my emotions. I hate that I tried to hold on to my "rights." Because this is not America. This is Africa and I am learning what it is like for the people here. There are no rights for the people. There are no laws, its all up to the discretion of those in power. How sad that you can't put any trust in the government, but is that where our trust should come from anyway? 

As a result of yesterday, it pushed me even closer to my God. I have learned I can't trust this social welfare system, but I can trust my God who says "Ask anything in my name and it will be given to you." and I can trust my God who says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."  

After calming down and taking some time to just sit at his feet. His amazing grace covered me and filled me with a sense of peace. But he also instructed me. Maybe I was right. Maybe the social worker should have completed the report. But did I represent Jesus? Was I humble in spirit? Not so much, i held on to my right to be right. And Jesus never did that. When people were beating Him and spitting on Him and crucifying him...at any point he could have called on thousands of angels but he never did. He gave up his rights for me! Who am I to claim my own?

As I read through proverbs this morning here is what God continuously revealed to me: SHUT YOUR MOUTH. BE HUMBLE. TRUST ME. 

He who guards his mouth and his tongue 
       keeps himself from calamity.

A wicked man puts up a bold front, 
       but an upright man gives thought to his ways.

Humility and the fear of the LORD 
       bring wealth and honor and life.

He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious 
       will have the king for his friend.

I plan to make a visit to the social welfare office this week to seek forgiveness. Not to suck up and hope that it in fact gets completed on November 5th which now might not happen either since i have rattled the cage but to sincerely present an offering of peace and love. Thanks everyone for all of your thoughts and prayers. We will press on to the goal. Thanks for joining us in this journey...the physical journey and the spiritual one...its a JOY. Our happiness comes from Christ alone and does not depend on our circumstances.

Love,

Heath and Neema