This weekend a group of my best friends from college went to the lake together. It was something we have had planned for a few weeks and girls were coming from outside of Atlanta. Unfortunately, I could not go because my parents had a wedding in Charleston and so they couldn't stay with Neema. I felt sad to miss out on such a fun weekend. Staying connected with my friends is definitely something that has been challenging for me since returning to Atlanta. Many of them are in serious relationships or are married, but they don't have children yet. I find that on most weekends they are either doing couple things or still enjoying the lifestyle allowed for people without children. My parents are great and whenever they can they are more than happy to stay home with Neema, but I find the bigger social scene to just be a bit 'surfacey' and no longer all that appealing.

I just feel like when most people reach this point in their lives they have a partner to share in this new life stage. When you would rather just be home cooking dinner and watching a movie you have a companion with whom to share these after long toddler chasing days. Being a single mama is a very difficult thing and I never once thought it would be anything but, however some days and *ahem* weekends are harder than others. I was speaking to a woman who was once a single mother about all of this and she was telling me stories of that time in her life and how she was about my same age and she didn't have any real friends. It can be a lonely time when you feel no one around you is in your same place. I'm sure she was thinking why in the world did I CHOOSE to place myself in the position to be a single mother.

To which I would respond, I did not choose this path. It was a calling. It was something God put on my heart and I just answered. I am so obsessed with this little girl and she is my whole world. But with that, there are downsides, because now my whole world is not about me. There are so many aspects of my life that have be doubley considered now because I have this other person I am in care of. There are times that that simple truth can overwhelm me to tears. And I find myself not really wanting to be in that place. But it is during those times that I feel so close to my Savior, because I'm pretty sure he didn't want to be on that cross. ("Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42) So I cling to my desire to want to be like Jesus and I try to continue to walk the steps that God alone has put before me because really the whole world never was about me. So there may be times when I'm tempted to wonder about this cup that has been given to me, but I pray for the strength and obedience to die to myself and trust in His perfect plan. The glory is His.

"Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." Luke 9: 23-24