cupcakes

We hadn't baked in awhile and in Tanzania it was one of Neema's favorite things to do: help me pour, stir, sift...so I got out the aprons and decided to whip up some funfetti cupcakes!! After being such a great helper, I told Neema she could have one when she woke up from her nap because they needed to cook....surprisingly she slept for so long that day I finally went in there to check on her. I peeled back the covers and her bright eyes peeled open....barely awake she said, "may I have cupcake?" yes yes yes! of course!! I was so excited to plop her on the counter and let her ice and sprinkle the biggest one in the pan. I watched in such delight as she devoured it getting icing all over her face.
About 20 minutes later and then 30 minutes later and then 45 minutes later she kept asking for another cupcake. Every time I would say, "No Neema, you have already had your cupcake today, you may have another tomorrow." And every time she would just sort of pout and express her disappointment. I found this to be really frustrating. Here I am thinking we did something really fun and I have given her this treat and she is not appreciating it, she only wants more and more and more. It made me never want to make cupcakes again, because what was suppose to be special and fun was turning into greediness and fussyness. I did not like it.
Then it had me thinking how so many people receive things such as gifts or opportunities from their parents (and believe me I have definitely been one of these people) but instead of appreciating what they have been given, they simply take it for granted or want more or something else. We just can't be satisfied. We used to talk about this a lot when I worked for Young Life. It is so hard to really 'capture' the attention of teenagers these days because there just isn't much they have not seen. (at least in our area of Atlanta) Materialistically so many of them have everything it seems. But its never enough. We always want more.
Bigger yet, what must God think? In light of His abundant amount of blessings, I am still longing for more all the time. Am I even thankful? Why would He give me anymore of anything? I am incredibly humbled by his patience, mercy, and grace for me. Where I am like, "I'm NEVER making cupcakes again!!!" I know that when its me who is insatiable instead of throwing his hands up and checking out, my God just loves and blesses me anyway. That is AMAZING.

Photo credit to Brian Skaggs who recently returned from one of my all time favorite places in the world: ZIMBABWE. How Great is our God...not only rich in mercy and love but the creator of all things.Matthew 6: 25-34
²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^b]">[b]?

²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

This weekend a group of my best friends from college went to the lake together. It was something we have had planned for a few weeks and girls were coming from outside of Atlanta. Unfortunately, I could not go because my parents had a wedding in Charleston and so they couldn't stay with Neema. I felt sad to miss out on such a fun weekend. Staying connected with my friends is definitely something that has been challenging for me since returning to Atlanta. Many of them are in serious relationships or are married, but they don't have children yet. I find that on most weekends they are either doing couple things or still enjoying the lifestyle allowed for people without children. My parents are great and whenever they can they are more than happy to stay home with Neema, but I find the bigger social scene to just be a bit 'surfacey' and no longer all that appealing.

I just feel like when most people reach this point in their lives they have a partner to share in this new life stage. When you would rather just be home cooking dinner and watching a movie you have a companion with whom to share these after long toddler chasing days. Being a single mama is a very difficult thing and I never once thought it would be anything but, however some days and *ahem* weekends are harder than others. I was speaking to a woman who was once a single mother about all of this and she was telling me stories of that time in her life and how she was about my same age and she didn't have any real friends. It can be a lonely time when you feel no one around you is in your same place. I'm sure she was thinking why in the world did I CHOOSE to place myself in the position to be a single mother.

To which I would respond, I did not choose this path. It was a calling. It was something God put on my heart and I just answered. I am so obsessed with this little girl and she is my whole world. But with that, there are downsides, because now my whole world is not about me. There are so many aspects of my life that have be doubley considered now because I have this other person I am in care of. There are times that that simple truth can overwhelm me to tears. And I find myself not really wanting to be in that place. But it is during those times that I feel so close to my Savior, because I'm pretty sure he didn't want to be on that cross. ("Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42) So I cling to my desire to want to be like Jesus and I try to continue to walk the steps that God alone has put before me because really the whole world never was about me. So there may be times when I'm tempted to wonder about this cup that has been given to me, but I pray for the strength and obedience to die to myself and trust in His perfect plan. The glory is His.

"Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." Luke 9: 23-24

From the lips of children

Have you ever noticed how children sometimes say things that maybe the rest of us are thinking but would NEVER say....? For example, the other day this woman at the pool was wearing a bikini and she was a full figured woman and she was lets just say overflowing from her top...Neema looked at me and said "Mama, she needs to COVER UP! That is private!" I was hoping to goodness the woman didn't hear her!

A few days ago, at the lake the cleaning lady came over and I think she may have been smoking since she was about 4 years old because her voice was so deep she didn't even sound human. She was incredibly nice woman and looked down and spoke to Neema. I was sitting there thinking "please dont say anything about the weirdness of her voice....." fortunately, she didn't this time.

Well, tonight as I was putting her to bed and we were saying our nightly prayers, one thing I was asking is that God would help us to remember that our lives are not our own and that things are just not really about us. "Please help us to remember its about Jesus. Let it be about Jesus...." And Neema said, "yes Let it be about Neema..."

When I left her room, I had to laugh because this is the truth. Deep in our hearts, this is what we all subconciously want. We are all fighting this innate desire for the world to be about us. Aren't we all chasing this in some way? Success so we get praise...or money to go spend on ourselves...awards so we can receive in front of crowd...new clothes so we will look good and people will look at us....being funny so people will be around us....i could go on.

I think this is why its so important to be around children because they just speak the truth that I so desperately need!

Being Caught

This week we went to the lake to spend time with some of our family who we rarely see. My cousin Ashley and her husband Stefan live in Boston and we were so excited to see them and introduce Neema to their children James (3) and Maya (1).

Some of my first favorite family moments:
Neema's first time ever on a boat and James explaining everything: fast motor boat, where to sit, how to drive and the art of tubing.
Taking turns feeding the fish at the boat house. James' graciously letting Neema go first.
Seeing Neema and Maya in their matching red, white, and blue bathing suits and hugging so tightly for pictures.
Making s'mores and being ok with the fact that there was sticky marshmellows and melted chocolate all over everywhere and then seeing them laugh with glee as we put all three in a big bathtub!
listening to Uncle Jud/Grande tell a made up story about how the children saved the grown-ups as all three of them sat in footie pajamas listening intently to what would happen next!
hearing their little voices as they talk about who knows what over baskets of hot dogs at their miniature table on the porch.
Just loving all of their little barefeet running around in life jackets that are bigger than they are! - Simply delicious! :)

please look at James' sweet little hand.

There was one moment that struck me however and really inspired this post. We were sitting in the grassy yard at the end of the day all wrapped in towels, Maya walked by and Ashley grabbed her and pulled her to herself. Maya just giggled the cutest little giggle I have ever seen. She then got up and Ashley was going to let her go but then she kinda looked back at her mama as if to say "get me..." and then Ash caught on and grabbed her again pulling her in and tickling her and said "oh you want to be caught!" They then proceeded to play this little "ill get you" game for the next few minutes.
I couldn't help but think we are all like that....wanting to be 'caught.' We are independent people and want to accomplish things and feel self-sufficient even in control sometimes, but I think at the core we all want to be 'caught.' We want to feel safe and at the end of the day take that deep sigh of relief like its all ok.....we all run from things and it is just so exhausting. When we can finally just stop and trust or just hand it over or just surrender whatever it is you are running from their is such comfort in just being 'caught'
Like Maya, who knew her Mama was gonna keep coming after her and who was going to pull her in and smother her with kisses...we have a God who feels the same way about us, who will chase us until we are ready to surrender it all to Him. It was a beautiful picture of His love for us.

Hope everyone has an amazing 4th of July weekend!! Glad we can be in America to celebrate!

just couldn't stop snapping...