When I think about my life in Atlanta and I think about where I go, where I eat, where I work out, wear I spend my weekends, who I hang out with, even my church! I think I’m pretty much surrounded by people quite similar to me. (They most likely went to a private school, went on to college, got a well paying job, and now live comfortably just like they grew up.) And many ex-pats here live the same way. You can easily live in Arusha and rarely come in contact with any of the local people. Sad if you ask me, but many do it.
But now that I have an African child, I am beginning to realize the importance of broadening that circle to include people of all shades of skin tones and backgrounds. I do not want Neema thinking of the entire world through one set of lenses. She does not need to think of everyone living with dirt floors anymore than she needs to think everyone having multiple story houses. I want her to know both and everything in between.
And you know what, I want this for myself too. In 2010 racism is still very much alive and well. And living in Africa, sometimes I still feel like there is colonization. I think most of us want to raise our children to be inclusive of everyone whether they are a different color, disabled, or any other attribute that might set them apart. But are we living our own lives as an example of how to love those who are different than we are?
Its not good enough to simply ignore the differences of others. And think you are doing the right thing by not acknowledging it. Seeing “no color”, for example, is a good idea in theory but at the end of the day it’s harmful because if no one talks about it, it becomes taboo.
There is a new book called NurtureShock that puts this well:
How to Raise a Racist
Step One: Don’t talk about race. Don’t point out skin color. Be “color blind.”
Step Two: Actually, that’s it. There is no Step Two.
Congratulations! Your children are well on their way to believing they are better than everybody else.
What NurtureShock discovered, through various studies, was that most white parents don’t ever talk to their kids about race. The rule is that because we want our kids to be color-blind, we don’t point out skin color. We’ll say things like “everybody’s equal” but find it hard to be more specific than that. If our kids point out somebody who looks different, we shush them and tell them it’s rude to talk about it.
My challenge this morning to everyone is expose yourselves and your children to a diverse group of people. Talk about the differences and how it’s ok to love someone who is not just like you! Examine your life, your faith, your friends and remember we are called TO LOVE. There is no dot dot dot.
Great post! I need to read this book. Most people I know think it is best not to talk to your kids about skin color. I talked to Henry for the first time about it on MLK day this year. I kind of questioned myself whether I should expose him to that yet, but how else could I explain the pain that African-Americans went through. This has confirmed that I did the right thing. Thanks for sharing! :)
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