Saving Grace: Realities

I notice I have not posted since May. That is depressing. Let's just say summer for me this year has not really been 'summer.' I started summer school at the end of May and just finished last Thursday. Whew!!!! Feels good to be done. It has been a loooooooooooooong couple of months. I took 2 classes per session and it was hard. My class schedule was from 1-6 everyday and with it being in such a condensed amount of time there was a lot of outside class work. I discovered that by the time Neema and I got home, eaten dinner, and got her in bed, i was just DONE. I could not bring my brain to a place of focus. Therefore, I had to get up the next day and do work all morning until we would eat lunch and then I would drop Neema off at her babysitter and start the whole thing over again. This schedule was hard for everyone in my program and we would collectively complain about our lack of social lives and the strenuous hours inside over books, but for me it took time away from my baby and I never want to have a school schedule like this again. I felt like I was not being there enough for her and I felt frustrated that there were not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything I wanted. I had moments of feeling sorry for myself and wondered WHY things were this way! They didn't have to be like this!!!!! But then God reminded me he is with me always, to the very end of time (matthew 28:20) and His grace is sufficient for me and His power is made perfect in my weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me (2 Corinthians 12:9).

As many of you know, a big motivator for me to push through these two semesters of school was that I was going to Tanzania at the end for 10 days before I start back teaching in the fall. I have not been since November and I was missing my other 5 babies like crazy!! (www.takesawholevillage@blogspot.com) I had my flight booked, supplies purchased, ready to go love on them and breathe in the place that stole my heart back in 2006. However, these were not the plans of God. My parents just sold their house and the move would have to take place in the middle of my time in Africa. Our family has lived in this house for 15 years and oh there is A LOT of stuff (this is a whole other post, im not sure I even want to reveal) and so in light of all that comes with this kind of move, my mama did not feel like she could keep Neema.

From my tiny little perspective, this could not be worse timing. I have to go to Africa. I have to see my babies. I NEED My Africa at least once a year to keep my sanity! Surely, God will work this out, as He is the one who gave me this love for this place, He is the one who gave me Jumanne, Rehema, Witness, Miriam, and Fabien! He is the one who set my heart on fire for these people. MY FAMILY that is so far from me, He will get me to them...surely! A few days went by and I prayed. I waited. And he said, "No. You need to stay with Neema." My heart was torn, on one hand, I was happy about that. I hate going a day long plane ride away from her, being separated by continents, and being apart for 2 weeks. But what about my littles who live so far from me? Who I do not even know when I will get a chance to see again!? Heart.was.broken. I did not understand!! But again, God met me and I heard from him, "I will protect the orphans who remain among you. Your widows, too, can depend on me for help." (Jeremiah 49:11). -- Please please don't take this verse and justify not helping them. We are still called to love them and walk alongside them, we just obviously cannot do it all and I believe God was trying to encourage me that while I can't be in two places at one time, I can rest assure that HE can! And this time, what I know is what is right and just is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice. (21:3). So I choose to trust Him.

And I can't say it's a terrible deal considering I get to stay home with this little LOVE..............