I can feel it rising up in me like a pit in the stomach, panic attack, out of control feeling that I can do nothing about. I have been having a lot of these moments lately. In this season of life where there are so many question marks for me, I find that when I think about all the uncertainties and all the circumstances out of my control for too long it's enough to send me into hyperventilation mode. I feel like there are a world of opportunities ahead of me but I can't get to them until some other pieces in my life fall together first. Herein lies the problem.....when are those pieces going to actually come together? Or are they? Am I waiting in vain? I feel like I am playing the game SORRY and I just sent someone home and I get to move 20 spaces but I can't move because there is a blockade. I can't do anything about that blockade, I am at the mercy of the person who has set up the blockade before me. This is such an aggravating feeling!!!! I think I have finally hit the pinnacle of frustration that on Sunday it brought me to my face and I found myself confronting God about it. I have this resentment towards him because I don't understand. But in this crying out to Him I realize he is drawing me back to Himself. I need Him so badly to open my blind eyes. To remind me of His sovereignty of His goodness. Will I continue to be patient even if *I* think I have already been patient......will I keep trusting Him even when things don't make sense? Will I receive his words even when they are not what I want to hear? Questions I am asking myself and reexamining my heart. I know He is good and His promises are true but this life is hard!!!!!!

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

I have been waiting for 2012 for a long time. This is a big year for us. Neema will hopefully be granted full citizenship, I will complete my graduate studies and student teaching, and for the first time in 2 years Neema and I will be free to travel together anywhere in the world! Oh the possibilities! We have definitely been and continue to be in a season of waiting. The uncertainty of our futures is most evident in my life because this could be a year of major transition for us. We don't know what plans the Lord has as I start this next leg of my journey. Will I get a job in Atlanta? Will He call me back to Tanzania? What are the implications of either of these decisions? Will I hear Him clearly? Will I obey? Will I be thankful regardless of the road He sets out before me? I know I can trust Him because I have seen his faithfulness - His faithfulness in bringing Neema and I together. Granting her a visa. Giving me an awesome and supportive family here and in Tanzania. Making a last minute spot available in grad school, Opening a door at Trinity - for myself and Neema - the greatest school ever! So when I struggle with these strenuous times of waiting, I try to look back at how far He has brought us and how He has loved us and provided. I have so many reasons to be thankful for last year and I am very excited about the year ahead! 

I remain confident of this: 
I will see the goodness of the LORD 
in the land of the living. 
Wait for the LORD; 

Psalm 27 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!